SF Rain
silent blocks of heavy rain seek the trees to collect and settle
acumulating drops overwhelm a swaying branch and they fall without warning
it rained tonight, on me and no one else.
swift
I wonder about the day i pass, occasionally i fantasize about it happening soon. not because i want it to, but because i feel sometimes like the decisions im making are setting me up for failure in an irreversible way. I feel my existence oscillating between assention and destruction; creating memories loose within my head brings them into reality too quickly. I scare sometimes at the thought of them. I imagine walking the line without concern, and without warning my mind pushes me over the edge, wide dilation, chest cave, and I fall back into reality to feel my neck pulsing.
wonder
I wish I could talk to you. I wish you were still there. Remembering feelings of love constantly surging, happiness as a default, your smile,your teeth, your lips, cheek bones, rough skin; you suffered for so many years, struggling to find someone who would be strong enough to stabilize you, so unbalanced so confused so ignorant was I to believe I could. Without you, I am a leader, I am involved, I give my heart to so many, I am respected, I am organized, I am graduating, I am wanted….
But what if I would give it all away just to have you, what if what I want is for it to all go away, what if rather than leading we may follow silently, intertwined and lost, what if rather than being respected we are forgotten, together peering over the world, embraced, what if giving to you revives another beatless heart, one that bleeds deeply, what if life was a blissful mess, happiness emanating from sharing the struggle to survive, what if a degree leads life astray, wandering, lost, what if all I want is you, now and forever. What if we can be happy. What is all this worth without you, value has no meaning. To find a meaning is confusing, relentlessly struggling to turn, blowning wind, signs of death. The cliff is angled under, moving above and leading me to eternity, catch me, please catch me.
